Green Street Hooligans

I have been in Ecuador for the last 12 days so there has been quite a rift in my writing. I'm sure you were all eagerly awaiting my next clever movie review while I was munching on smoked Guinea Pig and worms. However, while you were all sleeping in your warm, comfy beds, I was going toe to toe with cockroaches they size of my ear and moths larger then most kittens. I'm in somewhat of an international mood and therefore have decided that my first post back will be about a movie not made in the US, but rather abroad. This movie is so far away....England. Yeah, yeah, so it's in English...big whoop. England is still different then America and therefore not as great. They call cigarettes fags, prostitutes wenches, and have poor dental hygiene...literally all of them. This movie, of course, is Green Street Hooligans.

Green Street Hooligans takes place in "football" infatuated London. Matt Buckner (Elijiah Wood) is wrongfully accused of drug use at Harvard University and is expelled. He runs away to London to stay with his sister who has married an British national. Once Matt meets Pete Dunham (Charlie Hunnam), his brother-in-law's brother, the two begin a friendship that shakes the foundations of Pete's "football firm" or gang.

I saw this movie and just wanted to start punching, just go into a crowded public area and yell out like Jackie Moon, "Somebody hit someone!" Essentially, GSH teaches its viewers the upside of violent street fighting, as long as its for a cause like keeping the reputation of a soccer team that has never done anything to benefit you, then you are golden. Elijiah Wood just reeks of wimpiness. The whole point of the movie is to show the different fights that the "firms" get into before and after matches and the rivalries that explode. I'm sorry, but Frodo Baggins just doesn't fit the criteria of Hooligan. In GSH, his words are soft and delicate. He has the voice of a baby and when he is trying to intimidate his enemies, he just sounds like a girl. I could even kick the shit out of him.

But Elijiah does not destroy the movie, in fact, his pussification only propels the movie forwards. At times, it's almost comical to see him in fights. Charlie Hunnam does a fantastic job at developing a true football fanatic. He freaks out when the Yank calls it soccer, offers up his seat to a lady on the Underground, and teaches football to kids at school. All in all, the English are pretty versatile people. His screen presence is dominating, but not overpowering. You understand his leadership role within the firm, but he doesn't hog anything. He is valiant till the end and distinguishes between loyalty to friends and firm.

GSH is kind of like The Longest Yard, but not really. Actually the only similarity lies in the fighting. And even then, GSH has all of its fights take place outside of the field. I rescind my last comment, GSH and The Longest Yard have nothing in common. I would erase this whole thing, but I feel that would just be demoralizing to me. In GSH, intimidation of perseverance through strength means power. A fist is far more powerful then words, especially if most of the words are camouflaged beneath heavy English accents. Green Street Hooligans is a sports, international, and drama all wrapped into one giant burrito of fun. Except this burrito is kind of damp and sticky like many of London's streets.