Oscar Picks 2012

What a glorious time of the year! It is Sunday, February 26th and tonight is the movie lover's Super Bowl. It is the soccer fan's UEFA Cup and it is the porn addicts AVN Awards. Tonight is the Oscars. If I must be terribly honest, I've only seen a handful of the movies that are nominated in the various categories (and yes, that includes sound mixing and art direction). But I can say that I have seen the trailers for ALL of the films nominated and read a substantial number of reviews so I can pass a mildly accurate judgement of who should and who should not win. And as I type this, that guy with the girly voice on E is talking about shoes.

Best Picture: As much as I would like to see Warhorse take home honors for this category, the buzz has been all around The Artist. Warhorse redefined the animal-human friendship genre of film, but The Artist revived the era of silent film. Plus, the French deserve to win something.

Best Actor in a Leading Role: George Clooney. It's tough to make this call when I have only seen one actor in the category (Brad Pitt for Moneyball), but Mr. Clooney has been filling movie-goers' eyes with tears since the release of The Descendants and his last win was for Syriana awhile back. Once again, Jean Dujardin from The Artist has a fighting chance because of his film's notoriety, but I hope George brings home gold for America.

Best Actress in a Leading Role: Rooney Mara. Don't fuck with this girl, just saying. I saw The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and sat for 3 hours with my mouth wide open. There wasn't a single moment of Mara's performance that left me bored. She did everything! She banged girls, she banged guys, she killed guys, she branded guys, she raped guys. Hey, Meryl Streep. Talk to me when you get bum raped on camera for four whole minutes and then, maybe, I will give you my pick for Best Actress.

Best Supporting Actor: It's sad that the Academy takes age and experience into consideration more then actual performance. It's a toss up between Christopher Plummer and Max Von Sydow because they only have about 5 more years before they kick the bucket. Jonah Hill is the most awkward, uncomfortable person to watch play serious and I loved his performance in Moneyball because of it. But he won't win cause he still has his life ahead of him.

Best Supporting Actress: Melissa McCarthy was hilarious in Bridesmaids. My reasoning for picking a comedic role to win is because of the memorable Sacha Baron Cohen win at the 2006 Golden Globes. If he can win a Globe, McCarthy can win an Oscar. Let's diversify people!

Animated Film: Quite frankly, Rango. Since Pixar couldn't come out with anything too substantial we must settle for Johnny Depp as a chameleon.

Director: Michel Hazanavicius. It takes a lot to get your point across in front of the camera. It takes even more work when you have to do it without words. Hazanavicius, at the helm, did that and he will be rewarded.

Cinematography: Hands down Warhorse. As I sat in the theater sobbing, I couldn't believe that the location being shot were actual places. Every transition was a swooping landscape of war and chaos or sunshine and rolling hills. If it doesn't win, there is no God.

Art Direction: Let's give it to Harry Potter as a parting gift of sorts. I think it's time to give up on this ailing child already.

Documentary Feature: Hell and Back Again. It's a war film and coupled with the withdrawal of troops from Iraq, should hold a special place in the hearts of the Academy.

Documentary Short: The Tsunami and the Cherry Blossom. I know nothing about this. Literally nothing. It sounded like a cool name.

Film Editing: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I'm not really sure what constitutes good editing. Is it the fact that a movie's flow is smooth or that there is no awkward skips in the middle of dialogue. Either way, the opening to Dragon seemed pretty intense and I think that had something to do with editing so....yeah.

Foreign Film: A Separation. This Iranian drama has taken flak by proponents of the regime which makes it that much more interesting. With relations in Iran turning sour, there has been a lot of focus on how Iran can place itself in the spotlight as a good guy. This film might be that swaying point.

Makeup: Albert Nobbs. If you can turn Glenn Close into a dude, you have my vote.

Music (Score): Warhorse. John Williams leads the film score mafia and he will be pissed if he don't get his damn Oscar!

Music (Song): The Muppets. They're back!

Costume Design: Jane Eyre. The Academy loves that Victorian Era crap. Anything with big dresses and even bigger hats gets their panties wet.

Short Film Live and Animated: No concern to me. But I'll take a wild guess and say for Live Action Wild Life and Animated: Time Freak.

Sound Editing, Mixing, and Visual Effects: I'll group these together because I'm giving all three to Transformers. Fuck yeah!

Adapted Screenplay: The Descendants will get this because of its touching texture and composure. Sorkin won't get it for Moneyball because of The Social Network. You can't hit a homerun every time Aaron!

Original Screenplay: Midnight in Paris. Woody Allen will get this because he is a god among men when it comes to putting ideas on paper. And boy, does Woody have ideas.

Billy Crystal should be an interesting host. He's been around the block once or twice and I'm looking forward to hearing his Jewish swag. Mazel Tov and have a merry Oscar night!