Slap Shot

I went to a highschool renowned for its football and basketball teams. For a pretty lengthy period of time, these two teams produced some of the finest athletes and sent talented individuals onto successful careers in college sports. If you walked around campus, you'd know the football and basketball players. They were giants; they ate up the attention. Naturally, the teams acquired a bunch of attention from various media outlets and the student athletes always were respectful in front of the camera and on the printed page. We also had a hockey team. You'd know a hockey player was coming towards you because you could hear the scuff of his Timberlands against the ground a mile away. With broad shoulders and surprisingly short legs these hockey players strutted around campus with the feeling they were as popular as the football and basketball jocks, but never produced the same results. I watched Slap Shot tonight and thought to myself, "Wow, I used to know goons like that back in high school". So whether they're packing a lip of Captains or speaking in an indecipherable South Boston accent, hockey players will always be the bane of my existence. But Slap Shot was a fuckin hilarious movie.

Reggie (Paul Newman) is the aging player/coach of the fictional minor league hockey team, the Charlestown Chiefs. The Chiefs suck and everyone in town is losing hope and interest. There is news that they will be disbanded after the season, so Reggie goes to desperate measures to ensure the team's security, mainly by revving the fans up with vicious fights.

You know a movie makes it to the big time when the Celtics use a clip from the film during the introduction of the team. Every game, Paul Newman is up on the jumbotron telling Celts fans to "get that fuckin stick in their sides!" And who knew Butch Cassidy could skate so well? What really makes Slap Shot a cult film, however, is the introduction of the Hanson Brothers. Three ugly sons of bitches, the Hanson brothers (not to be mistaken with the Hanson brothers of HmmBop fame) are goons that love nothing more then to knock over their opponents and drip blood from their scalps. They remind me of Sloth from The Goonies, ugly as hell with a heart of gold. They listen to Reggie coach and even repent for their thuggish style of play by promising to play like Eddie Shore. Their stupidity befuddles everyone and makes the audience laugh uncontrollably. At the heart of this movie is the the theme of defiance. Nobody on this team has a damn clue about anything. Nobody knows who the owner is, nobody knows who writes the checks, nobody even knows how to converse with their French goalie. And they apparently have no clue how to change the radio station because they listen to Maxine Nightingale on every bus ride. But when Reggie finally figures out that the mysterious owner is planning on breaking up the team, he roars into a frenzy and stands up for his dimwitted players. To Reggie, his players are the special children that he is forced to have unconditional love for.

I don't mean to rag on hockey players, especially those with no other aspirations in their lives, because I know a few that really are bright guys. Hell, I even know one going to Harvard. And I'm glad I can poke fun at them from behind a computer keypad because if I ever ran into one of them in person talking shit like this, well, I would probably get a stick to the face, groin, and kneecap. Thanks folks, night.